Aug 23, 2010

Being FAT in Public

Just feel so discouraged, angry and frustrated. My wife and I planned out healthy meal options for the next week, made a grocery list and went over to Wally*World tonight. We got some lean cuts of meat, fish, some whole wheat pasta, veggies, fruit... It was the first time we had been shopping in weeks and I was feeling really good that we were trying to set ourselves up for success in the cumming weeks. No crap!

Anyway, I was feeling very positive and energized and then some young jerk college kid comes around the corner, sees me and blurts out "Woa! That's a TON of man." out loud to his girlfriend. I kept walking ... wondering if I just heard what I thought I did. Before what just happened could register in my mind they were gone, so I just kept shopping. Karlie didn't hear it, she was down the isle. On the surface I just blew it off like I have soooooo many times in the past but it just kept festering and festering until all I could think about was slamming my fist in that guys face. I started acting cranky and impatient with my family as we shopped and we got out of there like an hour later.

We got home and started unloading the groceries. I broke down in tears but mostly in anger. How could someone be so rude. I am TRYING to change, I am TRYING to stay positive and motivated, then some cocky kid blows what little self esteem I have left out of the water! I just wanted to scream "YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH!", peppered with 4 letter words that are more befitting to a Chris Rock concert than a good ol' Mormon boy.

After the stages of shock & anger, came depression. Thinking about starting school again, worrying about walking into a classroom of plastic chairs with a piece of wood jetting out the side for a desk. It does wonders to one's moral starting the semester by dragging in a chair into class from another room because you are too big to sit in the provided furniture.

I think emotions are running extra high because now I have chosen to face the problem instead of ignoring it. The reason I want to punch some guy I don't know, who is worth less than the 99 cent box of fat free, low sodium crackers I was holding... it's because I am doing everything in my power to change... and that's a good thing.

Well sorry for the novel but it made me feel a lot better.

5 comments:

  1. We've all been there, Mike. My advice is to develop a thick skin. All weight loss surgery patients get negative and hurtful remark, whether they are about being obese or about "taking the easy way out through surgery" there are ignorant and cruel people out there. We CAN NOT let them affect our emotional health. Sit down, write they guy a letter telling him off and then tear it up and move on. In the vast scheme of things, it is not the opinions of strangers that matter one whit to us. It is our own opinion of ourselves that matters the most. Don't let the ignorant and the haters rule your moods. Remind yourself of who you are and of your value as a person. NO ONE can take that away from you unless you allow it.

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  2. People are assholes...now that we've established that...Mike, please read my response to Allan's post later. I'm not sure when he'll approve the comments. It comes from the heart. Please start the program now. I have. Do "EVERYTHING" you can now. You owe it to yourself and to your children. We will be there for as much as we can.

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  3. Hey Mike. I sent you an email a few days ago but never got a response, so I don't know if you got it or not.

    At any rate...I can relate to how you feel. I remember being stripped down to my underwear in front the practice gym in high school, with the whole basketball team in there practicing, and having them all stop to laugh and point and call me "fat." Oh yeah, we all have sob stories. These experiences are part of what define us, help us to become empathetic people. It helps create within ourselves kindness and sympathy for others. Use this negative experience to channel it into something positive for yourself and for others. The only other option is to let it eat you up inside, and I know you don't want to do that!

    I know you read Allan's recent blog post, because I read your response. I have to say, as much as Allan's scorching bluntness is offputting to me sometimes, in this particular case I'd have to say that he's right. Changing from white rice to brown rice isn't the change you need. Going to the gym for 10 minutes is also not the change you need. You need a DRASTIC change, and you need to make it soon. Your weight might literally kill you like, tomorrow. You're at THAT high of a risk. I understand your whole "oil rig versus barge" analogy that you offered to Allan, but do you think that when a ship is headed straight at an iceberg, do you think the captain says, "Gee, maybe I'll just move a hair off to the side in the hopes of missing it?" No, they turn that steering wheel as hard as they can and haul ass to get as far from the impediment as they can.

    There is no reason whatsoever that you cannot be losing 10-20 pounds per week RIGHT NOW, prior to surgery, just by drastically altering your food intake and upping your exercise significantly. If you committed to that, you'd STILL be able to qualify for the gastric bypass in 6 months, but you'd be approaching the surgery in a much healthier body, thereby significantly reducing the risks of the surgery. Losing weight now won't prevent you from getting the surgery if that's what you want to do.

    I can help you figure out a plan to lose weight. So can Allan. So can a lot of people in this community. If you want some input, just ask. But in the meantime I implore you: don't just turn your "ship" 5 degrees off to the side to try to avoid hitting that iceberg that is DEATH. Please make a 180. Now.

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  4. I have other friends that I adore that are on weight loss journeys and I admire and respect what they do. Now you might find this odd - but I am at the other end of the spectrum - I am trying to gain weight since I was diagnosed with CHF back in April. [I already had Lupus - just waiting for some other condition to set in so I can yell "TRIFECTA" lol] but here is the thing...

    I feel your pain - people are jerks - and oblivious - and it hurts - I had a woman ask me the other day in Target "Why are you so THIN" [thank god for my husband] I was shocked. Who says this and WHY is it their business. Was I supposed to respond "I have Congestive Heart Failure and my lack of appetite and low sodium diet make the pounds fall off"? I mean, seriously people - get a grip.

    My staying alive is absolutely contingent upon what I eat - so I have to watch the sodium - and do you know most of the good tasting stuff has a boatload of sodium? So - I stay 20 lbs underweight and it shows....and they talk, point, whisper.

    And I ignore them. I am doing what is best for me - and you are doing what is best for you - it is hard, because it does hurt, I know. But if I know, in my heart and my home, I am working towards saving my life then who cares what the populace says?

    You do have a long way to go - and I am sorry if it sounds annoying for me to say I have to gain weight - but people are just as cruel on both sides of the scale - keep moving forward. You CAN do this.

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  5. Hearing about anyone who has to struggle with any medical issues is anything but annoying. Anonymous, I am glad you chimed in, whoever you are. Because I feel like I am not writing as a fat person about being fat. I am trying to reach those people who are struggling to overcome the obstacle that they have avoided their whole lives and through this hope to give and get some inspiration along the way.

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