Aug 31, 2010
A Wal*Mart Workout
Now let me stop for a sec and make sure you have the picture here. If you are imagining a fat guy, waddling down the isle in a leisurely stroll, you aren't seeing it. It's more like a giant ball of furry, billowing down the isle in a huffing and puffing, leaning into the turns, hope I don't lose traction and take out an old woman kind of way. Now that we are clear...
... I moved through sporting goods, weaved through toys and back through electronics. I hit the short baby supply isles and went full bore into frozen food. "Freekin' Butter!!!!", I screamed in my head as burned past the dairy isle. I started to get pissed as I passed the food that once held so much power over me. My anger pushed me even more to the point I was half walking, half chunky-man jogging. People started to look at me like I was crazy...and they weren't far off to think so. The last isle was the bread isle. I started to jog to the finish and out of spite for my doughy nemesis, turned the corner and ran the bread isle one more time just as a stick-it-to-ya...... I slow down as I approach the cash register to keep the tiny Asian lady from any assumptions that I would run her over. Luckily there was no one in her express lane. Sweating, huffing & puffing, I through the headphones I had been carrying on the conveyor belt. Kim, my poor checkout lady, starts to look up with a smile that quickly turned to alarm and concern as her eyes met my face. She stared at me as she scanned my 1 item and gave me my total. By the look on her face I can only assume she was working out in her mind if she should pull out her billy club from underneath her register in preparations to defend herself or if she should be ready to call 911 if I dropped dead in front of her. Luckily she said nothing but "Have a nice day". I walked out of the store in cool-down fashion, my knees wobbling a little in rebellion. By the time I reached my car I had gained composure and I started busting out laughing in the parking lot. If anyone from the store had seen me laughing out loud in the parking lot, their thoughts about me being crazy would have been confirmed. I think all the celery is getting to my brain.
at 6:44 PM