Sep 26, 2011

DESIRES, PRIORITIES, CHOICES, ACTIONS

What is the purpose of a fitness blog? Is it simply a diary of your struggles? Is it a way to keep yourself accountable? I started this blog for 2 simple reasons.

1. To better hold myself  accountable by being accountable to others.

2. To help other people who have to lose a significant amount of weight. Let people know they are not alone in the fight. Be a friend. Be real. Be open.

Motivation is an important part of helping people, but honesty, to me, is just as important. With that being said, here comes some honest truth.
In the first time in over a year, I gained weight. I am not talking about stepping on the scale the day after weigh in and seeing a couple pounds jump just to have it go down after a significant trip to the restroom, I am talking about a 2 week consistent gain that has me up 8 pounds. Karlie had a few pounds come back too.

So what gives?

It's pretty simple really. I simply didn't want to lose weight bad enough. My desire has not been there and so the focus, effort and habits reflected my desires. My friend Wendy shared a quote with me that describes "the problem" better than I could.
"Desires dictate our priorities, priorities shape our choices, and choices determine our actions" - Elder Dallin H. Oaks
The problem isn't exercise, I am doing that, I like it, I WANT to exercise. The desire to eat healthy is a whole different story. It started with picking. A couple of the kid's chips, a few candies here or there. I have given into a few splurges before. I crave Doritos all the time, every day no exceptions. I let myself have a small fun-size (whatever that means) once in a while (monthly) along this weight loss journey. Recently I let myself have them one once a week. I started to fall into old habits, making excuses for my actions. "I am going to reboot this next week" then it just didn't happen.

At one point, I found myself in the parking lot of a Taco Bell deciding if I was going to go through the drive-thru. I thought about an old post "Cravings: Drive By ... Don't Drive-Thru!" I felt sick. I felt as if I was about to completely betray myself and everything I have been working for. I drove away disgusted. No amount of self-deception could let me go there again. Even though I could no longer deceive myself so blatantly, the subtle here and there give-ins put the pounds on me over the past 2 weeks.

I came up with a phrase I have repeated many times when I mess up:
"Own it
Learn from it
Get over it
Get on with it"
In taking my own advice I have admitted to myself, and now the world, that I have lost commitment. Know what have I learned from this so I can stop beating myself up and get to work?

I need NEW reasons for losing weight. Things driving me to lose weight have already been accomplished. Getting rid of my CPAP machine, having more energy, being my "High School skinny" (350 pounds), not having to limit what I am able to do by my weight. While I realize that my perception of reaching an acceptable weight is greatly skewed, that is the way I looked at it.

I need to desire NEW things. I want to RUN a 5k not walk / run a 5K. I want to fit into a 2XL shirt not just find a few 3XL shirts at Kmart. I want to see the muscles I have been working hard to build. I have had to change my desire to refocus my priorities that will shape the choices that will determine my actions.

I maintain that the hardest aspect of long term weight loss is is being honest with yourself. It's hard. It SUCKS to have to admit to yourself that you have been wrong. It sucks to have to change the way you think. It takes true commitment and effort. But, it is the ONLY way to see your problems as they are and have a chance at true change.

I'll take the true change even if it means I have to take all the suck with it.

11 comments:

  1. I love this post and I think a lot of us have realized that it is hard to maintain the same commitment over time. I wrote about something like this today in my post. Now that you know it, you can do something about it.

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  2. So true. You have to find what pushes you. If you don't have the drive, it will cause problems with your execution. Strip the BS and get to work.

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  3. I have so been where you are at, except my episode lasted 5 years instead of 2 weeks. Now you have admitted the problem you can move forward and work towards overcoming them. I wrote a post not to long ago called Suck It Up and Get Over Yourself. I guess it was a similar realization. One day at a time, tomorrow is a new day!

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  4. Great post Mike and I'm sure that it spoke to more people than you think. By the way my brother-in-law just gave me a book to read that you HAVE to read which corresponds exactly with this post. It is called The Slight Edge. Buy it today, right now, don't waste time. I can already see a post forming from you reading the first 20 pages. Love you!

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  5. so so so so true........in everything with me now.
    I can lie to YOU
    I can not lie to myself.

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  6. I understand. It's a situation all of us face who have very much to lose. It just takes so long and the day after day of it gets old. My only suggestion would be to compartmentalize. This is not all there is to your life. However, it does affect the other areas. It's just hard most of the time and we must accept it. We can all have dominion over our lives, though, and succeed in spite of temporary blips along the way.

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  7. It is a slow and long haul and yes, it is hard to keep it up. But, keep a picture of your kids and your wife near you. Pull it out when you feel those urges to eat what you should not. Taking care of yourself means that they will NOT be taking care of you because you DID not. You are winning this by owning it.

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  8. Thanks Michelle. That is what I want to say at the end of the year... "I owned that 60 pounds!"

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  9. Like the honesty. Like the quote. Like the refocus. BAby, you're gonna get there. You and Karlie. You'll do it together and it will trickle down and spread out and improve the lives of those around you, your kids first of all. GO FOR IT!!!

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  10. Love this post...I think way to many people pretend that weight loss is something magically and we all love eveyr second of it. I know how you feel and sometimes it is hard to admit that we are doing things to ourselves and then have the motivation it takes to change again. It is hard to accept that this is forever. Thanks for sharing with us!

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